Anthony Bourdain's Lost Li.st's

Anthony Bourdain published about 30 lists on the defunt li.st web site around 2015. This page presents a partial archive of those, recovered from the Internet Archive.

Lists for which the content could not be found are listed below. If you know where to find them, email me. Thanks to RB for the spark.

80’s Playlist

CNN asked me to provide some favorite 80’s songs, and I assumed they weren’t expecting Duran Duran . I of course, prefer the X version of Johnny Hit and Run..

Caption the Donald!

((the image for this list could not be recovered - note from greg))

C’Mon! Everybody can play! I’ll go first!

The candidate struggles to deliver a Yen Shee Baby. Come on Donald! Bear down! You can do it, bro’!

Crimes Against Food

The Brioche Hamburger Bun: The hamburger bun is designed to ABSORB grease, not add greasiness to the experience. A proper hamburger bun should retain its structural integrity, playing its role as delivery vehicle for the meat patty until the last bite. The brioche bun, woefully unsuitable for this role, crumbles. God is against the brioche bun
The Third Slice Of Bread on a Club Sandwich: You know who invented the middle slice? Enemies of freedom. Their mission? Sap our will to live by ruining our sandwich experiences through “tectonic slide”.
The Half-Assed Muffin on an Eggs Benedict: You know it. The lazy cook toasts it under the broiler for a few seconds on one side, leaving the outer surface gummy and raw tasting and lacking the textural note your poached egg and Canadian bacon and sauce desperately need.
Slurry of Soy Sauce and Wasabi: If you immediately plop a big wad of wasabi into your dish of soy sauce, mix it around with your chopsticks? Your sushi chef loses all respect for you. Dip your nigiri into it rice side down? He hates you now. You may as well spit in his face. Seven years learning rice and you just shat in it.
Chicken Caesar: Why? They’re going to cook the chicken to shit anyway.
Truffle Oil: It’s not food. It’s not truffles. It’s lube .
“Kobe Meatballs” (ditto “Kobe Burger”): if you order either of these utterly fraudulent items at a restaurant or popular gathering spot for bro’s, all I can say is I’m truly sorry about your penis.

Food I’m Thinking About

Dishes from my travels that I want, badly, for my eventual market in NYC. These are the dishes, as prepared by the original vendors, that we need and deserve.

Food on Film

Usually, they fuck it up. But these films got either the business of cooking–or the sheer joy of it–absolutely right:

EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN
just about perfect comedy/drama about a family only able to communicate through food. The food prep scenes–particularly the breathtaking extended opening sequence – are absolutely unrivaled.
TAMPOPO
There is no more “foodie” a film, though it predates the term, anticipating a kind of insane fetishism that no longer seems that unlikely.
LA GRANDE BOUFFE
Four aging bachelors decide to eat, drink and screw themselves to death. This film was said to have caused random projectile vomiting at Cannes and created a major scandal.
MOSTLY MARTHA
For the spaghetti scene. Pretend the dismal remake never happened.
BABETTE’S FEAST
All it takes is one, amazing meal to get a joyless group of sexless creeping Jesuses to start boning like its 1999!
RATATOUILLE
Pretty much the only film to ever get professional cooking right.
CHEF
was, I thought, quite good–though as much of a fable as Ratatouille. The cooking scenes were dead right. Underrated.
BIG NIGHT
Yes! BIG NIGHT was wonderful. The “risotto incident” particularly on target.

NAMES FOR MY BAND

If I had one. And could play a musical instrument. Or sing. Or anything.

YEN SHEE BABY
FISTULA
LEOPOLD AND LOEB
THE RHYTHM METHOD
THE SKIN POPPERS
BURNING SENSATION
THE DEL-FIERIS

PERFECT ALBUMS

Every song great. Impossible to improve on . I’ll start :

GET HAPPY—Elvis Costello
FRESH SLY—Sly and the Family Stone
DOGGY STYLE—Snoop Dogg
ROME —Danger Mouse and Daniele Luppi

SCARY SHIT!!!

Things I find genuinely terrifying :

Clowns: I’m sure I’m not alone here. Were clowns ever funny? No. Of course not. They were always sinister figures, disguising their homicidal intentions under thick make-up, all the while their crawl spaces and chest freezers were brimming with Cub Scout parts .
Mimes: like cats, when entering a space, they gravitate towards the one person who fears them . Their purposes are always to embarrass, to draw attention to the shy, the troubled, the hungover. Pure evil.
Switzerland: I think I must have experienced some awful childhood trauma in view of a mural of snow capped peaks and Lake Geneva. I live with a persistent dread of alpine vistas, chalet architecture, Tyrolean hats, even cheese with holes in it. You will notice I have never been there. That’s because Switzerland frightens me.
Karaoke: singing in public in general . Korean karaoke is an exception. Like anything shameful, I prefer to do it in private. And after enough soju, anything is possible. Karaoke should only be performed with people who have already seen your genitals.
Rats: Fuck snakes. I eat them. Spiders? No problem! But rats. Rats! Maybe it’s my years in the restaurant business , but the appearance of a rat was always the beginning of the end. An augur of doom. A poisoned rat once crawled out of a wall and flopped limply onto my foot to die. They had to scrape me off the ceiling.
Also: Polka music, ukeleles, neckbeards with banjos, golf clothes—in fact golfers in general, The Real Housewives of Anywhere ( their glassy gazes, surgical addictions and single minded hunger for attention are a clear and present danger to anyone in their trajectories), pressure cookers, and Nashville Hot Chicken ( the extra hot version).

SEQUELS THAT MIGHT (ARGUABLY) BE BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL

GODFATHER II
BLADE 2
HELLBOY 2
CREED
BOURNE SUPREMACY and ULTIMATUM
THE ROAD WARRIOR

SIX TRUE THINGS ABOUT DINNER WITH OBAMA

Bun Cha is a typical Hanoi dish, decidedly everyday, and much loved by locals . To the consternation, no doubt, of the Secret Service (who were very cool about it) I was recently joined for dinner by the leader of the free world in a working class joint near the old quarter of town for an upcoming episode of Parts Unknown .

The President is very comfortable with chopsticks. He handled the sticky, hard to separate noodles that accompany the pork and the broth components of Bun Cha skillfully. He even went in for seconds.
The President is an Asiaphile. He spoke wistfully of his time in Indonesia and his memories of the smells and flavors of street food there.
He clearly enjoyed sitting on a low plastic stool eating bun Cha . It felt to me like his night off. Even with Secret Service lurking nearby .
The reaction among regular people in Hanoi to the fact that the US President chose to eat Bun Cha was beyond all imagining. The effect was unbelievable.People were actually crying the next day, describing to me their shock and their pride, the reactions of their neighbors, to this completely unexpected choice of meal—and the venue.
He was among the very few guests on my show who ever asked the camera crew if they got to eat too.And he made a point of taking a picture with all of them when we were done.
I believe he enjoyed that beer.

SOME FILMS FROM THE CRITERION COLLECTION

MAMMA ROMA
Pasolini’s pioneering, brilliant, merciless and merciful story of a mother’s love, class war, and rough trade–persistent obsessions in his later work, came together in perfect balance in this early masterpiece. Magnani is, of course, riveting in the lead role, but the largely untrained non-actor cast bring a harsh authenticity to as unromantic a depiction of Rome as has ever been filmed.
PANDORA’S BOX
Two words. Louise Brooks. Never has a more beautiful, intelligent, quirky, sexy, uniquely commanding character graced the screen.
UNDER THE VOLCANO: Some books are unfilmable. Malcom Lowry’s dense, symbolism loaded masterwork took him his whole life to write and it stood to reason that there was no way that a two hour film could ever contain its sprawling, portentous, narrative, it’s linguistic pyrotechnics.
But John Huston did a VERY creditable job here–and Albert Finney pretty much puts his stamp on the role of the Consul forever. If you go back and read the book, you will always picture Finney. It’s a terrific labor of love, doomed to failure..yet it manages to squeak out a remarkable if necessarily compressed success.
IN THE REALM OF THE SENSES
It’s porn. People having sex. Real sex. On camera –and its perhaps the one time in the history of cinema where that’s interesting. Based on a true story of obsessive love, Oshima’s transgressive classic is beautiful without prettifying anything, graphic without being particularly prurient, romantic without illusion, and at all times deeply political.
RIDE WITH THE DEVIL
is a terrific adaptation of the as-terrific Daniel Woodrell Civil War novel about guerillas war in Missouri and its aftermath. It’s also among Ang Lee’s best films, a criminally neglected classic, and a great performance by Toby Maguire. Hell, EVERYBODY is great in it. Beautiful writing and dialogue delivered flawlessly.
THIEF
Michael Mann’s cold, shiny early work with James Caan as a just out of jail master safecracker and an as wonderful Tuesday Weld in one of cinema’s great dysfunctional relationships. Watching Caan try and steal and buy and kill his way to the “normal” life he dreamed of in prison is both chilling and heartbreaking.
THE GREAT BEAUTY
No film in recent memory was the sensory punch in the gut that this one was. When I saw it the first time, I was devastated by its audaciousness, it’s lush, lush, gorgeousness–it’s yes–great beauty. What film has ever managed to be an “homage” to a classic Fellini film and manage ( arguably) to surpass the original? I think it’s the greatest film I’ve seen in a decade. Few film’s cinematography alone can make you cry. This one does.
THE AMERICAN FRIEND
This quirky Wim Wenders film is, to my mind, the best adaptation from Patricia Highsmith’s Tom Ripley series and the only one to capture both the charm and humor as well as the darkness of its deeply sociopathic central character. Dennis Hopper is the amiably murderous Ripley–and Bruno Ganz his instrument.
CHIMES AT MIDNIGHT
One of Orson Welles’ finest works, a wildly influential adaptation of Shakeseare made for about ten dollars over the span of many years. This is filmmaking at its purest and best. The battle scenes alone are a master class in independent filmmaking on a budget.
THE SHOOTING / RIDE THE WHIRLWIND
two curiosities from Monte Hellman , two vaguely psychedelic Westerns with Jack Nicholsen well worth seeing for their sheer strangeness and as a reflection of interesting times. It’s worth remembering that the Psych Western was briefly something of a genre back in the day. These are two of the best.
DR. STRANGELOVE: My father loved this film so much, he couldn’t wait for me to grow old enough to watch it. I think I was 8 or 9 when he first showed it to me and it shaped my life. he message was clear: we are all going to die. It will be funny. Also: life is filled with the absurd and hypocritical and that too can be funny.
Peter Sellers, Sterling Hayden and Slim Pickens were highly regarded in my house. Their names were guarantees of quality as far as my Dad was concerned. But Kubrik was a God. Truly one of the great films–certainly the greatest satire. With so many epic, memorizable moments…..”Purity of Essence” !

SOME WEBSITES YOU SHOULD VISIT

BRUCE ELLIOTT : GERIATRIC GENIUS. The daily doings large and small at Chicago’s OLD TOWN ALE HOUSE lovingly chronicled by its roguish proprietor .
CINEPHILIA & BEYOND : Pure crack for film nerds. Great articles, amazing links to unbelievable rare footage, entire original screenplays
DANGEROUS MINDS : A grab bag of ever changing, unpredictable awesomeness, from new wave films, politics , transgressive lit , to old school punk.
ROADS & KINGDOMS : Because it’s the best long form, deep dive ‘travel’ writing on the web. Because it transcends travel writing. And because I’m a partner in the company and believe deeply in it.

Underrated, Douche-free Destinations

Want to go where everybody else is NOT going? Discover things for yourself? Have an adventure? Eat well? No high fiving bros, oligarchs in Speedos, binge drinking soccer fans, tour buses filled with ugly ass leisure wear? These spots, in my experience, offer hope:

URUGUAY.
Montevideo is beautiful and uncrowded. The coast–once you get away from the resort areas, is wild and magnificent. The food is generally superb–though not exactly vegetarian friendly. I recommend the excellent morcilla sausages cooked on a “parilla”.
MARSEILLE.
The French may be ambivalent about their second largest city, but I am not. Eat bouillabaise, Corsican charcuterie, cous-cous, swim in the sea, take a day trip through Provence, drink a whole lot of Pastis. It’s laid back, spicy, mixed up, multi-ethnic, attitude free, working class and wildly under appreciated.
LAOS.
Okay, Luang Prebang and Vientiane are not exactly parts unknown any more, but take a road trip through the mountains around the PLAIN OF JARS and step back into another century. You want to get lost? Do it here. Absolutely gorgeous, tons of history that you are probably unfamiliar with, amazing food traditions.
SARDINIA.
NOT the coast! That’s where Italian soccer stars go to pose in the surf with their “Velena” girlfriends of the moment. The interior is another planet. A tasty, tasty planet. Malloredus, roasted baby goat, incredible hams, lobster “Catalan”, fantastic cheeses and spaghetti a la bottarga.
BEIRUT.
Don’t be afraid. Beirut is a magical, magical place. It may suffer from all the world’s problems simultaneously, but it’s also got everything you want and expect of the one time “Paris of the Orient”: it’s a quick education on how complicated the world can be. It’s beautiful, maddening, heartbreaking, exciting, confusing…the food is fantastic and diverse. To go there is usually a joy and an education. Go. The more people who do–who go and see first hand? The better the world will be.

Lost Anthony Bourdain li.st’s:

Title	Date
Things I No Longer Have Time or Patience For	4/28/2016
Nice Views	3/4/2016
If I Were Trapped on a Desert Island With Only Three TV Series	3/2/2016
The Film Nobody Ever Made	2/25/2016
I Want Them Back	1/23/2016
Objects of Desire	1/21/2016
David Bowie Related	1/14/2016
Four Spy Novels by Real Spies and One Not by a Spy	11/6/2015
Hotel Slut (That’s Me)	11/7/2015
Steaming Hot Porn	10/18/2015
5 Photos on My Phone, Chosen at Random	10/16/2015
People I’d Like to Be for a Day	10/15/2015
I’m Hungry and Would Be Very Happy to Eat Any of This Right Now	10/2/2015
Observations From a Beach	9/27/2015
Guilty Pleasures	9/23/2015
Some New York Sandwiches	9/5/2015
Great Dead Bars of New York	8/19/2015